No review this week. Our pants are too tight. Maybe you can JOIN the Holy-Cluck Worldwide Reviewer Team so we don’t have to keep working naked. In the meantime, please enjoy this hilarious spot for Big John by Trevor Clarence.
Purveyor: Bar Luca, 52 Phillip St. Sydney Australia
Menu Item: Chicken Karage Burger w wasabi aioli, pickled vegetables, coriander and coral lettuce.
Price: $14 AUD.
Add Fries +$3
Add Fries and Chicken Wings +$6 (Squaaaaawk!)
Add Cheese +$2
Add Streaky Bacon +$2
Add Egg +$2 (No!)
Squawk: Three reviewers. Three identical burgers. We all went for the added cheese, pickles and the fries/chicken wings combo option because we are hard core Cluckers. Normally we would have added bacon too, but with the wings? It just all seemed a bit too risky. And by “risky” we mean anything from a heart attack to a head down, drooling nap session back at the office while our friendly colleagues draw dicks on our face with permanent pen.
In a sea of sameness these guys have a unique take on the chicken burger: Japanese. It starts of course with the crispy Karage style chicken – and lots of it – and extends to the Japanese style pickles and of course the wasabi aioli. All of which adds up to a winner. Mostly. We didn’t spot the Nippon influence right away and if we had we probably wouldn’t have added the extra “normal” pickles, not that they detracted one bit. More that we felt we’d accidentally strayed from the Chef’s vision. (sigh) Next time.
We also loved that even though we may have misfired with the pickles, they gave us the option to add them without any drama. In fact their Burger Add-Ons as listed in the “price” section above, made us very happy. It’s like having 4-Wheel Drive in your car. Even if you don’t use it 99% of the time, its nice to know it’s there just in case. And because those add-ons are there, there’s no barrier to your own particular flavour of goodness. It’s not quite The Counter, but it’s appreciated. Also we loved the wide sauce selection. We were happy to our friends at Diemen’s represented along with a new one from Changz we’d never seen before (it’s really nice.)
The venue is meh. Sort of a CBD vibe with people in suits and shorts – good mix, but it’s not a place you’d ever come for the vibe or decor. Thankfully their burger is a winner.
Buaawk: Normally when we’re out on the job we start by making a list of all the things we like and attribute point values. In this rare instance we started by trying to figure out what we could possibly take points away for. It’s that good. It may not be the Perfect 10 Unicorn, but it’s close. We knocked off points for the mayo overload. Wasabi or not, they need to ease up. Take a look at that massive glob oozing out between the cheese and the brioche in the photo above and you’ll get an idea of what we were dealing with. And the fries. A burger this good deserves better fries. Sure the parsley on top is a nice touch, but overall Bar Luca drops the ball with these shoestrings. And it’s a damn shame.
Purveyor: Bon Appétit, Magazine / Website
Menu Magazine Item: Fried Chicken Sandwich Recipe
Price: No fucking idea. You have to go buy all the ingredients yourself and then account for the value of your own time making the damn thing from scratch. Do the math, let us know.
Squawk: You get to choose the freshest, bestest ingredients. (Yeah we know “bestest” isn’t a word. Deal with it Shakespeare).
Buaawk: You have to make it your fucking self.
Rating: You tell us. We’re too busy for this shit. If you’re not, then submit a review.
Purveyor: North Burger, Sydney NSW Australia (no website but you can find them on Bridge St.)
Menu Item: Buttermilk Fried Chicken Burger
Price: $13.50 with Fries
Squawk: We have a friend who has been telling us this place needs to jump to the top of our “To Try” list for months. In fact when they first discovered it for themselves they immediately told us they found a solid 9-10 – and possibly the Best Burger Awards Winner for 2015. Were they right? Read on fatty. Read on.
First of all lets get one thing out into the open. This isn’t a chain, restaurant, pub or cafe. It’s a shithole-in-the-wall in a shithole of a food court in a shithole of a mall. All of which makes the fact that they serve up such a good burger even more amazing. We have a general rule about Mexican food if anyone cares, and that is that, generally, the worse looking the place, the better the food. So far none of the Holy-Cluck Reviewer Team have gotten sick from Mexican food. Water? Now that’s another story, but we digress. Point is, sometimes the worst looking places surprise you.
This burger comes with three different pieces of succulent fried chicken meat: leg, breast and thigh. Something for everyone. Especially if you’re hungry. The meat is juicy and crunchy and damn near perfect. Overall the burger has a nice balance of moistness without being drippy, so if you forget to snag some napkins, chances are you’ll still be able to shake hands with someone and not feel like a dick after you eat. Maybe just bump fists though to be safe. But again, we digress. The red cabbage and carrot slaw has the right texture and amount of mayo to make you think it just might be good for you.
And finally, the chips. North Burger has those nice crispy chips with that delicious golden coating – almost like a little rosti. We know these come frozen in a bag and that golden colour might not be real, but we don’t care. They’re nice. And they have a shaker of chook salt at the counter if you’re into that sort of thing.
Buaawk: Considering this burger has no cheese or bacon, they’ve created quite a contender. Generally speaking we were impressed, however, their choice of that fake barbecue sauce added too much sweetness. This is a mistake we keep seeing people make. They do serve their own “House Hot Sauce,” and it’s nice for dipping your chips into, but the burger would be so much better with a little heat, as suggested by our fellow reviewer. El Yucateca red would’ve been perfect, which they allegedly have on hand most days, but not today. Maybe everyone used it up trying to mask out that fake BBQ sauce. Oh, and did we mention its in a shithole of a food court in a shithole of a mall? Yeah.
Spotted this AMAZING and curious sign in Homeland Season 5, Episode 1 recently and well, now it seems we have a reason to go to Germany very shortly. Failing that, if any of our beloved Holy-Cluck readers in Deutschland would be interested in giving this place a shot and doing a review we would be most dankbar. From what we can tell on their Facebook page, Chickenberg has great signage and decor, but the fact that they’re pimping falafels hard gives us cause for concern. Hilfe!